Jon & Kate plus Hate...?

There have been some recent headlines about Jon from Jon & Kate Plus Eight. The rumor buzzing is that the father of eight has been having an illicit affair with a younger female he claims to be his "friend". Jon's big complaint? Being a reality "star" means that he's now a big target for gossip headlines, and he's not used to having major scrutiny on his life. And yet, doesn't being a father and husband mean that you need to watch your behavior anyway?

Melissa Rivers Hated High School

Talk about self full filling prophecies... Last Sunday Melissa Rivers, a contestant on The Apprentice, was fired. After receiving the infamous "you're fired!" speech from the. Trumpster, she fled the boardroom in a fit of anger yelling obscenities and blaming her two remaining teammates for backstabbing her. Watching Melissa throughout the show, one can see how she created this self fulfilling prophecy. She set herself up to be the outsider of the trio (Brande the Playboy model and Annie the Professional Poker player), paranoid about the "secrets" they were keeping from her and being sad about the laughs they shared. She reminded me so much of Kathy Griffin, the self appointed "D-List" celebrity (who, by the fact that so many people know her and even love her, and has won two Emmys is so NOT D-List), a person stuck in that high school mentality of being the outsider, left out by those more popular. At least Kathy uses this and is making tons of money playing that role, so I say more power to her! Melissa, on the other hand, was her own worst enemy. If you BELIEVE that the world is out to get you, and you act on this belief, guess what? The world (aka your Teammates) will be out to get you because your mind wants to prove you right. oh, and when you get your beliefs "proven" try not to be so tacky and childish. Although it DID make for some great TV!

Burst her Bubble?

QUESTION:
Dear PopShrink,
My girlfriend is amazing and gorgeous, but she has a dream to be a famous actress and the truth is, she can't act! She's been in dozens of plays but most of them have been serious flops. Its getting to the point where our friends try to avoid going to her plays because they don't want to lie about telling her their opinions. How can I be a supportive and loving boyfriend while still helping her face the facts?


ANSWER:
First off, I gotta ask you, what makes you think that your opinion is a "fact"? True that you seem to have had some feedback from people you trust, but the "fact" is, they are still just opinions. I do believe that you have your girlfriend's best interest at heart, so maybe you are trying to protect her from making a fool of herself? Being a fan of American Idol, I know I have thought many times" WHY didn't anyone tell this person they can NOT sing!?" At the same time I also have a lot of respect for someone who goes after their dreams. There are plenty of minimally talented actors out there who are on popular TV shows (I will refrain from naming names, for now) and movies and on the flip side, there are a lot of unemployed highly gifted actors. I believe the ones who get the gigs have the qualities that your girlfriend seems to have: looks, drive and tenacity. I'm sure even if she's as bad as you say she is, she would still be the best actor on a "reality" show like "The Hills" or "The City"

Conniving & Calculating Co Worker

QUESTION:
Dear Pop Shrink,

A few months ago, a new girl, let's call her Loren, was hired to work in our department. I thought Loren was nice and funny, so I hung out with her during our breaks and sometimes for happy hour after work. Most of our conversations revolved around work and she was constantly asking about the company, especially about the management and owners, and my advice about how to deal with them. At work, she was constantly asking me to help her get situated as she was pretty slow in understanding what she was hired to do. Feeling pretty confident about my abilities to do our rather complicated projects, I more than happily shared my expertise. Sean, my co worker who is normally a very sweet and friendly guy, kept his distance. A few weeks after Loren started, Sean came up to me during a break and offered this warning "Mark (a coworker in another department) went to high school with Loren and told me she's a total conniving bitch, be careful" Ever the optimist, I thought that being that she is now 24, she must have matured. Wow, was I wrong. A few weeks after this conversation, (during which Loren had been spending less and less time hanging out with me) I found out that she had been cozying up to our supervisors, AND the owners of the company showing off "what a sharp and fast learner" she was. Soon enough, they moved her up to supervise Sean and me and she showed her true colors. Suddenly, this once sweet girl is now condescending, impatient, and just all around bitchy. I hate that I helped create this monster, who is now my "boss". HELP!

ANSWER:
Right away your problem reminded me of an episode of Brady Bunch where Marcia helps the nerdy girl, Molly, with her confidence and social status by giving her a make over and introducing her to "cool." One of my favorite lines comes out of that story, when Molly lets her newly found popularity get to her head, becomes competitive and bitchy with Marcia and proceeds to tell her, "It doesn't matter how I got here Marcia, the point is, I've arrived!" As with all Brady Bunch episodes, there is a happy ending (Molly realizes and acknowledges that Marcia was a good friend to her), but in real life, this is often not the case.
As for your co worker, unfortunately in real life, sometimes we do run into unscrupulous characters like this "Loren". As far as your role in creating a monster, methinks this person was a monster already...you may have just helped her rear her ugly head a bit sooner. If Loren is as obvious and perhaps incompetent as she seems, eventually the truth comes out. Your bosses didn't get to where they are by being stupid. Of course there is always a bit of office politics involved, so I would say, try to stay on the good side of the people who have power over this "monster" as well. That way, if she tries to make you look bad, you have allies in the people above her. In the meantime, show your company your best work and keep a positive attitude. Why don't you relax by inviting some friends over to build a house of cards, or go to a movie with your boyfriend George Glass? Or better yet, cleverly pack some beans and hot dogs in a few flashlights and take a quick trip to the Grand Canyon! Whatever you choose, just make sure you do not play ball in the house, because mom always said...

Relationship Realities

QUESTION:
Dear PopShrink,

I have been dating a handsome, charming, intelligent and very successful man for about 5 years now. We have an amazing life; we go to the best restaurants, travel, and do so many wonderful, exciting things. He is everything I want in a man. The problem is, he can be emotionally distant at times so its hard to talk about "us." I want to be married and have kids and he isn't sure that he does and whenever I bring up the subject he shuts down. I love him and the life we have, but its not enough. I'm not getting any younger, and I DO want to be married but I am scared that if I push him I risk losing him. Some of my friends say to break up with him and find a guy that does want to get married and have kids. But, what if I don't find a man that I love as much as I love him?

ANSWER:
When Carrie was dating "Mr. Big" she thought she found her dream man. And she really acted like he was an unattainable "dream" by placing him and his needs above hers. Rent the earlier years of Sex and the City and you will notice how much Carrie centers her life around Big; she analyzes his every move and mood. She also often brings up the fact that she feels she isn't good enough for him. (NOTE TO SELF: if boyfriend says he is moving to France for work don't pretend to be all cool about it by wearing a jaunty beret and bringing him Le Big Mac and French Fries, because when you lose your cool and proceed to throw the Mickey D's against his beautiful kitchen wall, it will just confirm that he thinks you are crazy). The thing is, Big never said that Carrie wasn't good enough, but she put that feeling out there by placing his needs first. It wasn't until she made the decision to move on and search for someone who wanted the same things that she did that he eventually decided to aggressively win her back. I'm not saying that your boyfriend doesn't love you, I'm sure he does. What I am saying is that you have to be true to yourself and love "you" first. If you want to be married and he doesn't, you must honor his feelings. You can not ever force someone to bend to your will because if they do, they will resent you for it. But you must also honor your own feelings, and move on. As cliche as it seems, if he loves you, he may come back and change his mind. If not, go out there and date. You will see how many men DO want to be married. Eventually you will find someone who shares your view of marriage. If you know HOW to love, then you will find love again. Be clear in what you want, and the universe will send it to you.

WastedWoman

PROBLEM
Dear PopShrink Julie,

Every year, I like to examine my life and also set my goals. This year I realized that instead of moving forward, I've really fallen behind in what I want to accomplish. Its so hard because I don't have the patience to really wait for the things that I want, but at the same time I am worried that if I don't do the "right things" I will wake up and realize I've wasted a lot of time doing nothing!
What should I do?

Signed,
Wasted Woman

ANSWER:

Dear Wasted,
I recently watched The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke. It was a really amazing movie, brilliantly acted and directed, but IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME! No, not the bloody and violent, albeit it pre-fabricated wrestling scenes nor Mickey Rourke's bloated face on the big screen with his stringy blonde rocker hair and tight, fluorescent wrestler outfits, but what his life represented. An amazing life, just wasting away! And I mean that for both the character he played and for Mickey Rourke the man. He was once a gorgeous, sexy, and extremely sought after actor of his time. What happened? He didn't just wake up one day and suddenly his career and his looks were down the drain. That was a cumulative series of steps he took daily/weekly/monthly/yearly that led to his (and Randy the Ram's) demise. There were several lessons that I took home from the theater that day:
1) Take advantage of every moment to make yourself a better person in every aspect.
2) Do not live off of old accomplishments. Appreciate them and then make goals for more.
3) Know when to move on. If something isn't working, do something else until it does work.
4) Have a back up plan.
and most important:
5) Do not operate meat slicing equipment while emotionally traumatized over someone recognizing you as a has-been wrestler during your shift at the local grocery store's Deli Counter.

Take this new year to carefully decide where you want to be in the next 6 months/5 years/10 years and set goals that you can periodically check to make sure you are on track. And remember, even when you think its too late, IT'S NOT. Even Mickey is making his long awaited come back.

Icky-Ex-Issues

QUESTION:
Dear Pop Shrink:
I broke up with a boyfriend almost 4 months ago. Besides the fact that it was long distance, I was more challenged by how he was sometimes mean-spirited, especially when he was drinking. After more time together, I also found him to be immature. Although he didn't take the break up very well, he left me alone for the most part, with the exception of a few emails. I hadn't heard from him for some time, when out of the blue, he emailed me saying something to the effect of "not sure if you check this email, but I wanted you to know that if we got back together, I would be willing to move (to my state--he lives in another country)." When I didn't respond to him (I felt I made it clear why I broke up with him and it had little to do with distance), he replied "you suck, you're a loser and a waste of time." Should I even reply? I'm very irritated but don't want to encourage stalking behavior.

ANSWER:
Dear Icky-Ex-Issues :
As I've addressed before, stalkers and people who abuse their power are a serious matter, but unfortunately no matter who you are, you can be vulnerable to this stuff. This ex sounds a lot like "Cartman" from South Park, (is your ex an offensive chubster with a strong disdain for Jews, Hippies and Ginger Kids?) someone who has no boundaries and uses his powers for no good. In many episodes he tortures poor Kyle, including creating a song and dance about his mom "Kyle's Mom is a Big Fat Bi$#D!" just because he is Jewish. Ahhh, you are thinking, "but this guy was my BOYFRIEND and Cartman and Kyle are just FRENEMIES" And yet there IS some kind of Love-Hate bromance thing going on as Cartman shows he also has a need/want to be around Kyle. Many episodes revolve around Cartman doing something to torture Kyle, but he can not deal with the thought of being ignored by him. The best revenge on Cartman was when Kyle and the rest of the gang pretend he doesn't exist. Evil, like Cartman, can not live if you don't give it energy. Hang out with your closest friends and fam, and find a partner who is supportive and respectful of your feelings. And definitely ignore your-own-private-Cartman. He'll wise up soon enough and move on (probably to torture poor Butters)