Heinous Hubby

QUESTION:

Dear Pop Shrinks
I don't like my friend's husband very much, but I love her. Whenever we hang out as a group, he is boorish, loud, and must always be the center of attention. I've also noticed that he puts her down sometimes, not in front of our group of friends, but in front of me. How can I be friends with her, and spend time with her, without him being around? And am I supposed to be honest with her about how I feel about him?

ANSWER:
Emotionally-abusive husbands might have made for some good TV in the 90's but in reality, being married to an Al Bundy from Married with Children sucks! Of course no one really knows what is happening in a relationship between two people except those that are in the relationship, but as a friend, it can be hard to see someone you care about in a seemingly damaging situation. Peg Bundy often got her "revenge" by not really caring about Al's antics and doing her own thing. She enjoyed her life (and her bon bons) on her own terms. Maybe you can help your friend do the same. You can spend time with her doing things that are fun, interesting and encourage independence. Make standing "dates" to do Girls-Night-Out or start projects together that might even make you some money. And save yourself from abuse by not being the Marcy-Darcy-type who shows up at Al's home knowing she'll get dissed. Al needs an audience for his bad behavior, but when no one finds it interesting anymore, his show will get cancelled.